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Tuesday, 03 November 2009
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Sonnet XLIII (i have no idea what number that is, but i know it's high)
What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning, but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.edna st. vincent millay
Friday, 14 August 2009
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Apres moi, le deluge
I move to Duluth two weeks from yesterday, which is thrilling! But I've been looking through some of the things I packed away before I moved in with Ian last spring. I've come across pictures and planners and journals. I flipped through my planners (yes, I save old planners) from undergrad and saw how full and rich my life was. I saw days packed with student teaching and portfolios and alto sectionals and singing in chapel. I had blocks of time devoted to working on projects and spending time with my boyfriend and practicing with the choir. I read through old journals and remembered how much I wore my heart on my sleeve and how that seemed to work for me back then. I had written about how happy I was with Mike, and how I knew I would marry him. I talked about how much I loved living with Emmy. I wrote with a voice full of the busyness of someone with a full academic and musical and social calendar. I had mental snapshots of hanging out with Sam and Noah and Mike and Emmy, and how close I was to them. I remembered things that, with the quick pain of time passed, had made my life feel full and happy and charmed.
And then I stumbled upon a little stack of pictures from my life's past. It was tucked away in a size 11 shoebox that must have been my dad's, along with some ripped and meaningless magazine clippings, some drawings made by my then-7-year-old host brother when I lived in Germany (who is now mind-blowingly 17!), and a couple of medals showing I'd earned superior ratings at the Solo & Ensemble music contest my senior year of high school. The pictures were from high school and undergrad, and some from my childhood. I'm not sure where this stack of pictures even came from- they must have been hanging on my wall at some point in my life, because some still had pieces of tape on the back- or why those particular photos were even selected. I wondered at the significance of some of the photos, and struggled to recognize who I was at that time. The me that I was confronted with was so much slimmer, smilier, and exuberant. I envied the joie du vivre I seem to have lost or hidden away or outgrown.
I found my photos from my time in Austria and my visit to the UK and Ireland, and nearly felt I’d picked up a book and begun rifling through accounts of someone else’s life. People I no longer saw, places I no longer was able to take in, and experiences that lived only in my memory. It made me want to walk the bustling, weathered streets of London and Edinburgh and fall asleep tucked into train compartments in Austria. I missed strolling by shops and bakeries and mountains and pastures of little cows wearing bells with my coat collar popped up to keep out the wind, I wanted to drink warm beer in the afternoon sun and people watch with my friend Ben at one of our places.
And then it hit me- the kernel of what nostalgia really is. Yes, I missed the people and places and experiences of my past. But also, and maybe in a way even more so, I missed who I was then.
Wednesday, 05 August 2009
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I Like Boys and Picture of Boys and There's No Stopping Me.
So apparently Sarah and I had the same idea. And I'm not trying to copy her, but....well...I am. It's just that this makes so much sense! Why not compile lovely boys together in one place? I tried to contain mine to just 9 squares like Sarah, but no dice. Also, I spent waaaaay too much time brainstorming, assembling, and searching.
01. Joshua Jackson. Yes, I've had a crush on you since you were Charlie Conway in The Mighty Ducks. And yes, you were dirty as Pacey Witter. But yes, you are hotter than ever before.
02. Not David Boreanaz, but Special Agent Seeley Booth from Bones. He makes me wish I worked for the Jeffersonian and was a forensic anthropologist with possible Asperger's just so I could work that closely with him.
03. Christian Bale. Remember Newsies? And then remember him as Batman? He's been hot the whole dang time.
04. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Surprise, surprise. I'm head over heels for John Krasinski and also for Jim Halpert. Because I have a sneaking suspicion I'd be happy with the fictional character or the real thing. Also, he's with a doggie in this picture. It's too much.
05. Chace Crawford. Just...wow.
06. I love James Marsden! Especially the eyes and smile parts.
07. "When I woke up tonight I said I-I-I'm gonna make somebody love me..." Well, Alex Kapranos, I pick you.
08. Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, he's growing up just fine.
09. I wanted to put a picture of both halves of Flight of the Conchords, but this picture of Bret was just too cute. Plus, he may be the cuter half. (don't tell jemaine).
10. Yes, he was old and is now deceased. Yes, he made delicious salad dressing. And yes, he had the best blue eyes and was married to the same lady for decades. And for that, Paul Newman, you rock.
11. Fine. So I really like our president. I admit to having a wee crush on Barack Obama.
12. Dear Paul Rudd, I liked you as Phoebe's husband on Friends (especially when you re-christened yourself as "crap bag"). I like your eyes and your smile and your hair. I like the way you look in this picture. But really? I just can't get over you in Clueless! Love, Meghan.
If you click on the mosaic, you can view it larger. Were you awares?
I have a sneaking suspicion that there will be more mosaics to come. Perhaps dream travel destinations? Things that are on my mind? Pretty things I want to buy? Oh we'll see. Yes, yes, dears. We'll see.
Friday, 31 July 2009
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The Meghan Mosaic
So I found this game on someone else's blog and thought it was kind of fun. A mosaic of photos centered around facts about me! Wanna play? First, you answer the following questions (my answers are in parentheses):
01. What is your first name? (Meg)
02. What is your favorite food? (spaghetti)
03. What high school did you attend? (Brainerd High School)
04. What is your favorite color? (hot pink)
05. Who is your celebrity crush? (James Marsden- love the pic of him!)
06. Favorite drink? (tea-- the milk pics were all nasty)
07. Dream vacation? (Edinburgh)
08. Favorite dessert? (cake)
09. What do you want to be when you grow up? (in love)
10. What do you love most in life? (learning new things)
11. One word to describe you (effervescent)
12. Your Flickr name (none existent)
Next, make the mosaic by searching for your responses on Flickr. Pick one photo from the first page of the results that come up (sorry, that's the rule). Then paste the link for the photo into the correct slot on the mosaic page, which is: http://bighugelabs.com/mosaic.php. You can even select how big of a grid you would like your mosaic to be. And then post it here!I foresee me making mosaics to my liking with much greater frequency. It appears I've found a new internet obsession...
Thursday, 30 July 2009
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and when it bites ya, look out!
So once again I can't get the thought of travelling somewhere out of my head. The travel bug (which is a saying that i usually disapprove of: it's not a "bug" like a disease or a sickness, for me it's more like an ache or an itch that's always there and at times unable to be ignored) has bit once again.
Lately I just really get this homesick feeling in my stomach and heart for being someplace I felt alive. I've been actively missing Austria and London and Galway and Edinburgh and Prague and southern Germany. I want to pack up and drive to Vancouver and Pittsburgh and Portland and Alaska. I want to backpack around Norway and the Czech Republic and Spain. I want the anonymity and adventure and newness of having everything be novel or familiar, but different. I want to feel my eyes and mind open; my experiences broadening. I want to buy fun European accessories and maps and eat Schokovanillecroissants from the bakery in Bludenz. I want to get magazines with free purses attached from train stations in London, and eat pasties. I want to pack up my car with snacks and maps and friends and sing along loudly with great music and have the weather be perfect for driving. I want to wear clothes I don't usually wear and eat foods I don't usually eat and do things I don't usually do. I want to ride trains.
I want to see it all again or for the first time, and revel in knowing that I am making- no, living- memories.
...and all you see is where else you could be when you're at home.
Mimi_Emmy
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- Name: Meghan
- Member Since: 9/19/2005
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About Me
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I daydream a lot. I also laugh a lot and loudly. I am afraid of spiders and heights. And the dark. I collect quotes. I hate it when people have weak handshakes. I want to learn how to make stained glass. I have my very own kitty named Franziska Hazel, but I call her Francie. I prefer dogs. I wish that I still played the cello regularly.
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